I tend to feel that I have lots of problems and challenges to face in life and I have this feeling almost all the time. Though I'm not afraid of it for I know that I have the Lord with me but yet, I'm still worried. Too worried at times till I'll easily break down and often drown myself in my own world thinking that no one cares for me and it had caused me to keep quiet all the time whenever I'm with my friends. I prefer to be quiet also because I don't have any topic to talk to them. It sometimes makes me feel like I'm lost and I'm losing my mind in a way. Not exactly up to the level of being insane of course, but a strong feeling of waves of painful reality which I've seen and had striked me in its very own way and causes me to compete with all of the struggles and negative thoughts and emotions in me in order to make sure that I'm on the right path.
Sometimes I hope that I know how to express the feelings which are buried deep down inside me. I'm still the same old me who's battling with my mind to renew myself each day and to reflect more of Christ in me by living with His words in the everyday life. But sad to say that I've been such a vain. I hate my life at times, I get pissed at things easily, I dislike being surrounded by non believers, and I complain about almost everything in life. What a shame of me.
But one thing in life which I appreciate the most, is that I know I'm falling deeper and deeper in love with Jesus which I've never experienced before. It felt so so so real and so encouraging. And I am really thankful to have Him in life. Because it is only Jesus who will be faithful to me. And because of Jesus, I can still be well alive and to do so many things, and to be in the presence of the Holy Spirit and ask for His forgiveness.
Glory be unto Him!
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